Important Information on Stimulus

Just in Case You Get a Check...


Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic  Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program.


I'll explain it using the Q and A format:

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Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers..

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Asia?

A. Shut up or you don't get your check.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

1. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to China.

2. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Saudi Arabia.

3. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.

4. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico,  Honduras or Guatemala.

5. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

6. If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

7. If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to pay management bonuses and be hidden in offshore accounts.

Or, you can keep the money in America by:

1. spending it at yard sales or flea markets, or

2. going to baseball or football games, or

3. hiring prostitutes, or

4. buying cheap beer or

5. getting tattoos.

These are the only wholly-American-owned businesses still operating in the US.

Conclusion:

The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until you're drunk enough to go get tattooed.

~ via Monte

The Stimulus Shell Game Explained

It's a slow day in a little East Texas town. The sun is beating down, and the streets  are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit...


On this particular day a rich tourist from back east is driving through town.  He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

*As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

*The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

*The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

*The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local  prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

*The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

*The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.


No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business today.

~ Sent by Bobby, who got it from somebody else, who got it from  ....